Michelle Mone convinces everyone she is telling the truth
This was the most convincing interview since Prince Andrew's
Lady Michelle Mone, who was put into the House of Lords by David Cameron for services to lingerie, has convinced everyone she is telling the truth in a powerful television interview that has left no doubt in anyone’s mind.
Lady Mone explained she could not possibly have defrauded the public in the PPE scandal because she is unable to sweat after a harrowing experience during the Falklands War that triggered an overdose of adrenaline. Plus, she has never been to Jeffrey Epstein’s sex island or bought a ski chalet for Virginia Giuffrey so she must be innocent.
Lady Mone, who appeared on my Sunday morning show with her elderly father, Doug Barrowman, insisted she has never once lied to the public, apart from that time she repeatedly denied having ties to PPE Medpro, the company that profited from a £203 million contract to make PPE out of Asda carrier bags. Given those bags cost a whopping 30p each, the public can rest assured those gowns were made from the highest quality materials so I don’t see what the fuss is about.
During our interview, Lady Mone told me she did not bother registering PPE Medpro in the Register of Financial Interests as a member of the House of Lords because someone told her she did not need to bother. Personally, I can’t see any reason why an unelected legislator, who was given a massive government contract through the unlawful VIP lane, should declare a government contract as a possible conflict of interests.
Although Lady Mone has never lied (apart from all the times she lied to the press and therefore the public), she clarified that lying to the press is not a crime, even if you’re an unelected legislator. Also, if it’s not a crime to lie, it doesn’t really count as lying, does it?
Let’s not mention Lady Mone and her elderly father, Doug, are being investigated by the National Crime Agency on charges of conspiracy to defraud, fraud by false representation, and bribery, because those types of lies would be crimes.
Lady Mone has explained she only lied to avoid press attention, and the best way to deter the press was to talk bollocks that made journalists more suspicious of her, post pictures of her yacht on Instagram to gloat about how rich she is, and follow that up with a well-judged television interview.
Mone explained she has made no money from the PPE deal, but she would appreciate it if we overlooked the £60 million her husband transferred into trusts that she and her children are beneficiaries of, which was declared in the Isle of Man. Mone explained the reason the £60 million was declared in a tax haven is because “The money comes to the Isle of Man because that’s fundamentally where I live.”
Obviously, “fundamentally where I live” is a perfectly natural turn of phrase that does not mean Lady Money, I mean Mone, spends much of her time fundamentally living elsewhere. Mone insisted she and her father, Doug, were being made scapegoats because they are “high profile and successful”.
Yes, Lady Mone has essentially accused the National Crime Agency of being full of haters who are jealous of her amazing yacht that she humbly named the Lady M but insists she doesn’t own.
Surprisingly, the government has turned its back on Lady Mone and is suing PPE Medpro for £122 million because, bafflingly, the PPE gowns made from Asda carrier bags weren’t usable. PPE Medpro is fighting the case in court, arguing those gowns were made from the highest quality materials - a claim angrily disputed by Tesco who insist their carrier bags are much better x
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Absolutely brilliant 👏, I watched with astonishment on Sunday.
Brazen,bear faced both her and beer belly Dad.
Hopefully she will get booted out of the Lords as well!
Thanks
Well buried Lady Mony you are
She came on your show?! That's serious courage.