A man could be about to be extradited to America due to disturbing allegations that he attempted to tell the truth while doing journalism. A shiver just went down my spine as I typed those words. Some of us attended journalist school for years, just so we could ignore everything we were taught and repeat the propaganda of our leaders to enrich ourselves, and then some do-gooder made a website that attempted to upend all that by revealing the undeniable truth about things we wanted to keep secret.
Thankfully, the most principled factions in US politics (Hillary Clinton supporters and the people with Confederate flags who get aroused by AR-15s) are disgusted with the man who told the truth and want him to be locked up for 170 years in a supermax prison. Personally, I would feed him to the rednecks.
The man who told the truth is called Julian Assange and his highly informative website is called Wikileaks. If you are a sensible person, you should avoid Wikileaks under all circumstances because it would help you stay informed about your leaders, rather than just voting for one of the two identical teams to save your country from the other identical team who are the most terrible people ever (apart from the people who don’t play the team sport).
Obviously, you shouldn’t know that your entire system is based on lies and corruption because you’re too stupid to process all of that and it would only upset you. Therefore, you should get irrationally angry at the man who tried to upset you with the truth. He’s to blame for all the bad things that are happening in the two best countries ever - Britain and America.
America is desperate to get its hands on Assange so the Clinton Foundation can torture him to death for national security reasons and make up for the time Hillary failed to take him out with a drone strike.
However, if the enormously popular 106-year-old Joe Biden somehow loses the next election, Jared Kushner and Marjorie Taylor Greene will drown Assange in the swamp that Donald Trump pretended to drain last time he was president.
If you’re getting a bit lost because you’re not sure where America is, or why the hell we always do as it tells us to, I can confirm America is that country across the Atlantic that is sometimes called “angry Canada” because it won’t stop killing brown people in the name of self-defence.
The country that let its schools become shooting ranges and won’t give people cancer care, unless they can raise enough money on GoFundMe, cares enormously about the safety and security of its people. This is why it’s got a bombs budget so big, it gives its surplus bombs to its little brother called Israel.
As you can see, America is the most sensible country in the world and we should definitely be sending journalists who don’t do as they’re told there. I’m so glad I’m a shameless propagandist who would never bother to inform you, because it means I will never become a target of the state and live a very nice life, thank you. Only honest journalists become targets.
Assange is a hate figure in America because he tricked the few Americans who pay attention into not voting for Hillary Clinton in 2016 by publishing factual information about her. This enabled 17 Americans to make informed decisions based on the facts and they refused to vote for the person whose values are the opposite of their own.
Those 17 Americans who pay attention definitely handed the election to Donald Trump, even though they were never going to vote for Hillary and didn’t vote for Trump. This was all part of Assange’s plan and Trump was so grateful he dredged up an archaic law that hadn’t been used in about 100 years to prosecute Assange. As you can see, the logic of Hillary supporters is infallible and they’re totally right to blame the 17 people who didn’t understand it was her turn.
In America, you're supposed to choose one side, stick to that side forever, allow the worst people imaginable to be entitled to your vote, no matter how genocidal they are, and scream at people who vote for the other genocidal person on social media. If you don’t, it’s because you don’t love freedom.
America has the most sophisticated electoral system on earth and this is why it calls itself The Land of the Free™, even though no one else does. Obviously, the UK is trying its utmost to follow in the footsteps of the US and this means Wikileaks was not going to let our wonderful, non-corrupt politicians off the hook.
It was Wikileaks that revealed: Rishi Sunak is a robot that uses Chat GPT as its operating system, which is why it can make impressively human-like public speeches; Wes Streeting is a soulless career politician who was somehow cloned from the toe nail clippings of David Cameron, even though toe nails don’t contain DNA; Sir Keir Starmer is not responsible for his own U-turns and is bullied into them by corporate donors who give him lots of money; and Liz Truss is an idiot who became prime minister when she accidentally walked through the wrong door and couldn’t find her way out of the building. The Tories were so desperate for a leader, they saw Liz holding a telephone upside down and realised her skill set exceeded that of all the other candidates (Mark Francois and Thérèse Coffey).
On top of those shocking revelations, Assange revealed that politicians in Britain and America are really fond of things like mass surveillance, torture and war crimes. Sadly, some members of the public don’t understand those things are only bad when other countries do them, especially if they have the wrong religion or skin colour.
When our politicians violate human rights and line their own pockets, it’s totally fine, and it’s only the people who expose those non-crimes who have committed a crime. This is because we are civilised countries that respect the rule of law - and the most corrupt people imaginable make our laws x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise x
What a weird corner we're backed into when absolutely everything you included in this piece is factually correct! The hilarity is only tempered by the sobering fact of our complicity.
Everything in our society all comes down to the packaging. The content seems to be secondary to the branding and marketing. Thanks for emblazoning the reality on these profoundly important issues in a way that cuts through all the bullshit.
Julian Assange is a journalist who should be freed - and compensated. The criminals his journalism exposed are the ones who need to be indicted.
This is one of your very best. Today, you and Caitlin Johnstone both have demonstrated beyond question that Orwell’s “1984” was not a work of fiction but a prediction. The world is truly in danger and the USA is the monster in charge.