King offends war criminals by suggesting we love our neighbours
This could cause a major diplomatic incident
The bloke called Charles caused outrage today when he went off script and suggested we should be kind to Palestinian refugees during his Christmas speech.
Everyone knows we’re meant to pretend to care about others at Christmas, but most people (me and Suella Braverman) agree Charles went too far. He has totally undermined the ethnic cleansing that’s finally making the Holy Land palatable to Europeans.
Charles, who was standing in for his mother, didn’t even bother with his Game of Thrones outfit to liven things up. He didn’t even order his guards to cut the tongue out of an annoying peasant for a bit of drama. Instead, he opened his 27 minutes of tedium, that even alcohol couldn’t make tolerable, by saying:
“Many of the festivals of the great religions of the world are celebrated with a special meal, a chance for family and friends to come together across generations; the act of sharing food adding to conviviality and togetherness.”
Alarm bells were already ringing on social media that Charles might suggest we feed the malnourished kids with bowed legs. Some were concerned Charles might open his palaces and let riffraff from council estates into royal banquets because if we are expected to share food, there is no reason why the self-made billionaire can’t do the same.
Thankfully, it looks like Charles is standing by his hypocrisy, meaning he hasn’t completely lost his mind. He added:
“It is also a time when we remember those who are no longer with us.”
Fortunately, Charles didn’t mention those ten thousand Palestinian children who are no longer with us. The last thing we need to think about during our celebration of the birth of Christ is unimaginable horrors in the Holy Land that would’ve probably vaporised the baby in the manger.
That would be okay though because if Jesus was born today, there would be tunnels under that stable and the donkey would be Hamas.
Obviously, the holiest thing we can do is look the other way as hell fire envelops the Holy Land. It’s clearly stated in the Bible that if your country is helping colonisers attack Bethlehem, which is in the occupied West Bank and has no Hamas presence, you should shut the fuck up about that. I even saw a Disney movie with those exact words.
Unfortunately, Charles began to waver and remind everyone we should be nice to Palestinian refugees, regardless of whether their donkey is Hamas:
“This care and compassion we show to others is one of the themes of the Christmas story, especially when Mary and Joseph were offered shelter in their hour of need by strangers as they waited for Jesus to be born.”
Charles should understand the nativity story is a product of its time and has no relevance to today because if three wise men were following that star in the sky in 2023, they would be stripped naked at gun point and humiliated on social media before being tortured. How times have changed.
Sadly, Charles failed to understand the nativity parable should not be taken literally:
“At the heart of the Christmas story, the birth of Jesus, who came to serve the whole world showing us, by his own example, how to love our neighbour as ourselves.”
You’re not supposed to love your neighbour, Charles! You’re supposed to ask your children to write hate messages on guided missiles so they feel included in the process of blowing children in Gaza to pieces. This is inclusivity and as everyone knows, inclusivity is the only way to create a healthy society with well-balanced individuals.
Unfortunately, Charles entirely missed the point of inclusivity and showed us footage of his grandchildren pretending to use tools as they stood in close proximity to disease-ridden peasants. He said:
”We need to build on ways to support those less fortunate than ourselves because out of God’s providence we are blessed with much and it is incumbent to use this wisely.”
Now I’m not even sure what “incumbent” means, but the rest of that made me vomit my Christmas dinner (it wasn’t anything fancy though, just beans on toast).
He’s going to open up his palaces to the homeless, isn’t he? And yet leftie do-goodedness isn’t even the worst of our worries because Charles has decided to insult our favourite war criminal. No, not Laurence Fox, I mean Benjamin Netanyahu!
“At a time of increasingly tragic conflict around the world, I pray that we can also do all in our power to protect each other.”
All in our power to protect each other? Is that maniac going to start a war with Israel to protect their innocent targets? Or even just stop the supply of bombs to Israel that is making our arms manufacturers a handsome profit? It’s not clear what Charles is trying to say, so let’s see if he clarifies:
“The words of Jesus seem more than ever relevant: do to others as you would have them do to you.”
So not war with Israel then, just a subtle condemnation of the needless brutality of war. If anything, that’s even worse because you can’t make money off shares in peace manufacturers, can you?
“Such values are universal, drawing together our Abrahamic family of religions and other belief systems across the commonwealth and the wider world. They remind us to imagine ourselves in the shoes of our neighbours.”
I pray to God he meant “in the homes of our neighbours”. We are supposed to steal the homes of our neighbours, Charles, the same as your family stole their jewels. That’s how colonialism works. You should already know this, you are the head of an empire x
Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend. It helps me more than you realise x
Good one Laura, no doubt the cops will be knocking on your door on their way to the manger. Whoops Israel already flattened Bethlehem, sorry about that
Love your rants...many of us trying just to stay in existence across the pond, in the colonies, are sharing the same Christmas dinner you are, as our feckless leaders use the funds stolen from us to pay the way for invaders to live comfortably.... ever notice how history repeats, over and over....first King Herod, who murdered 144,000 children in hopes to take out Yashuah...now there is Netanyahu....'nuff said, I could add so much more...but you do such a good job...I will still my tongue..this Christmas all I can send you dear, is LOVE...all I have..and all I need!